I went to see The Forbidden Kingdom, starring martial arts film stars Jet Li and Jackie Chan, with a couple of friends this weekend, and as I predicted, the movie fell short of expectations.  I give it a 3 out of 5.

If you happen to be a diehard martial arts movie fan like myself, it’s worth checking out at bargain matinee prices.  Otherwise, wait until it’s available at the rental store or at the dollar theater.  Especially in today’s uncertain economic climate, with $10 movie tickets and $4 bags of popcorn, you might want to hold off and save those hard-earned dollars for this summer’s promising batch of blockbuster films (Iron Man, anyone?).

-

Jason Tripitikas (played by Michael Angarano) is a South Boston teenager obsessed with kung fu movies.  (A nice touch, the film’s opening credits sequence is a neat little tribute to the kung fu stars of yesteryear.)  He spends most of his afternoons rummaging through the import DVD bin at a local pawn shop run by a kindly old Chinese man named Hop (played by Jackie Chan, though you’d hardly recognize him).  It’s there, by chance, that Jason  discovers an ancient Chinese staff long ago entrusted to the old man. 

Later that night, a gang of neighborhood bullies forces Jason to help them break into the old man’s shop.  When the robbery attempt goes horribly wrong, Hop is fatally shot, and Jason has no choice but to flee, staff in hand; the old man’s dying wish – restore the staff to its rightful owner.  After a harrowing chase, Jason finds himself on the rooftop, trapped.  He falls, but instead of crashing down onto the pavement several stories below, Jason is magically whisked away by the staff… and awakens to find himself in ancient China.  

There, Jason meets the drunken immortal Lu Yan (played by Jackie Chan) and learns of his true destiny.  With the help of a mysterious Silent Monk (Jet Li) and a vengeance-obsessed young woman named Sparrow (Yifei Liu), Jason must restore the staff to its rightful owner – the Monkey King - imprisoned in stone 500 years ago by the evil Jade Warlord (played by Collin Chou).

-

First and foremost, The Forbidden Kingdom is a martial arts flick.  With fight choreography by Yuen Woo-Ping (previous action choreography credits include Fearless, The Matrix, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, and many, many more), and starring the talents of seasoned martial arts film veterans Jackie Chan and Jet Li, the film delivers as promised, albeit with an emphasis on quantity, not quality.

After a particularly slow start, the movie picks up the pace a bit with a decent number of brief action sequences that, while not quite up to par with the very best kung fu movies, are at the very least entertaining to watch.

There are two fight scenes worth mentioning.  There’s a fun special effects-laden fight between the Monkey King (played with light-hearted aplomb by Jet Li) and the Jade Warlord that’s lots of fun and shows just how far wire fu has progressed since the Matrix films. 

The best fight by far takes place about midway through the film, and – you guessed it – features Jet Li and Jackie Chan going toe-to-toe. 

Jet Li.  Jackie Chan.  Two martial arts superstars together onscreen, for the very first time.  It’s a cool moment.  The fight scene’s very well done and, thankfully, goes on for a decent length of time, although when it’s over, you’ll end up wishing it wasn’t.  Especially since the rest of the film’s fight scenes are a bit of a letdown. 

Most martial arts films save the best for last.  Unfortunately, The Forbidden Kingdom’s final battle fails to live up to the earlier Jet Li / Jackie Chan fight and will no doubt disappoint most of the hardcore martial arts movie enthusiasts.  To the film’s credit, the final battle makes good use of the entire cast, good guys and bad guys alike, in what basically amounts to a giant free-for-all struggle over the Monkey King’s staff. 

In case you were wondering (spoiler ahead), yes, Jason manages to save the day.  No, he doesn’t use his newly acquired kung fu skills to kick ass and defeat the Jade Warlord.  Well, not directly, anyway, and thank goodness for that.  It would’ve been quite a stretch of the imagination for audiences to accept an average American teen with no previous martial arts training defeating a magically enhanced foe like the Jade Warlord one-on-one.  Especially when you’ve got Jet Li and Jackie Chan tagging along for the final battle.

The script is sub-par, but in all fairness, the lack of a truly engaging story line isn’t going to lessen your enjoyment of the movie.  The film draws heavily on elements of Chinese mythology in an attempt to liven things up a bit, but the basic story is something we’ve all seen at least a dozen times before.

There’s a clumsy bit of exposition about a third of the way through – a flashback sequence narrated by Jackie Chan (his heavily accented English, while vastly improved from his American film debut, is a bit distracting) – that could have been handled better.   

The bulk of the movie takes place in ancient China with a protagonist that obviously doesn’t speak the language.  The movie does offer a quick explanation (one of the film’s funnier bits) as to why the principals are able to understand one another despite the language barrier.  It’s a necessary concession, having the Chinese characters able to understand and speak English, but it’s hard to keep a straight face when the film’s main baddie, the Jade Emperor, “promises” dire consequences but pronounces it “plomise” instead.

The movie’s actually pretty funny, although it’s not an outright comedy, or even an action comedy like the Rush Hour films.  Jackie Chan has proven himself in the past doing comedy, and although Jet Li isn’t well known for his comedic acting ability, he does a fine job with the funny bits as well. 

- 

The Forbidden Kingdom could have been a lot worse.  As it stands, it’s an entertaining little kung fu fantasy that’s worth checking out as a rental.

You know, I actually like this poster.   (Although, Jackie’s hair does look a trifle odd…)

I’m still not sure about this one. 

After watching the final trailer for this movie, I have a strong feeling this movie’s going to be really and truly awful.  (You can read my earlier post and watch the trailer here.)

Still, I’m probably going to end up seeing it in theaters, if only because it’s the first time these two martial arts superstars have appeared in a film together.  Also, there haven’t been a lot of martial arts films coming out recently, and I love me my martial arts films.

Here’s hoping the fight sequences (with choreography by Yuen Woo-Ping) make up for any other failings the movie may have. 

(On a related side note, I just watched Rush Hour 3 with a friend the other day.  The trailer for that movie was actually pretty funny, and I was hoping it might actually be a bit funnier than the previous two films in the series.  Unfortunately, and predictably (when, oh, when will I ever learn?), the funny bits in the trailer were also the best bits, the story and dialogue was generally on par with its predecessors, i.e., terrible, and what’s worse, the action sequences were actually a noticeable step down from the mostly mediocre action sequences I’ve come to expect from the Rush Hour franchise.

I know Jackie Chan’s getting a bit too old to be doing all of his own stunts, but man, was I surprised, first of all, by the sheer number of times an obvious stand-in was used, but also by the amount of really badly disguised effects used to create some of the more ridiculous, hard-to-swallow stunts in the film.

I give it a 2 – avoid it, if you can.)

See for yourself.  The entire clip runs a little under 7 minutes.

I like this ending.  A lot.

(You can read my original not-so-glowing review for I Am Legend here. Skip to the end of the review for a brief, spoiler-free discussion of the rather disappointing theatrical ending.)

The original ending has a lot more cinematic punch to it.  It’s actually a little scary, and it’s definitely more intense.  The ending actually makes sense and ties things together rather nicely, leaving very little of what came before unresolved.

The movie actually has a point, and as an added bonus, the film remains much truer to the source material as well.

The creatures, the rubbery-faced, CGI, not-so-vampires, or ”Dark Seekers,” aren’t the monsters.  Robert Neville’s the monster.

The proof’s right there for all to see – the photos taken of his unwilling test subjects who died all as a result of his misguided quest to find a “cure.”

Don’t get me wrong – the original, ”alternate” ending’s still not perfect.  I don’t really like the Signs-esque nature of the revelation (the whole “butterfly” thing), and I still have problems with the final scene, the last minute or so before the credits roll (Anna’s upbeat “you are not alone” voice over narration doesn’t do it for me), but all-in-all, a definite improvement over the theatrical ending.

What do you think?

It’s been awhile; the last film, Rambo III, came out twenty years ago.

I haven’t seen First Blood, the very first film in the series (I actually intend to, just haven’t gotten around to it yet), I don’t really remember much of Rambo: First Blood Part II, although I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it all the way through at least once, and I know I’ve seen bits and pieces of the final act of Rambo III on cable TV, you know, when there wasn’t anything better on.

Let’s just say I’m not exactly a diehard Rambo fan.

To be honest, were it not for Rocky Balboa, the sixth and final Rocky film, which I rather enjoyed (I’d give it a 4 out of 5.), I would never have gone to see Rambo.  

See, up until the week before Rocky Balboa came out, I had never even seen a Rocky film before.  The trailer looked promising though, and I was curious to see if Sylvester Stallone could pull it off.

I ended up watching the first two Rocky movies.  I didn’t have time to watch any of the others, and honestly, I’m glad that I didn’t; I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have cared for them much.  Rocky Balboa is very much a sequel to the first two Rocky films and intentionally glosses over a lot of the material from the other, more cartoony sequels.  It’s a fitting end to the franchise – I enjoyed it and recommend it, but you have to have seen the first two to really appreciate it.

Rocky Balboa the film, like the title character, certainly has its flaws, but the film has its heart in the right place and in the end you can’t help but root for it.

Having enjoyed Rocky Balboa, I decided to give Rambo a whirl, although this time without going back and watching the earlier films.

Maybe that was my mistake.

Simply put, Rambo doesn’t have quite the same appeal as Rocky Balboa.  It’s not a terrible movie, although one could very easily see how it might have turned out that way.   It’s decent, but unless you’re a huge fan of the series, I’d recommend steering clear.

Fan or not, it’s worth a rental if you’re just in the mood for a mindless action flick (I’d give it a 3), but there are plenty of other worthwhile films out there vying for your attention.

-

The movie begins with actual footage of the horrible atrocities taking place in Burma to this day and introduces the ongoing conflict between the Burmese military and the Karen rebels, setting the stage for the events that follow.

The title character, John Rambo, (Sylvester Stallone reprises the role he made famous in 1982’s First Blood), now lives in Thailand, trapping snakes for a living and leading a solitary, peaceful existence, ferrying people across the river occasionally and generally minding his own business. 

A group of Christian missionaries ask Rambo to ferry them across the border and into Burma so that they can deliver much-needed supplies and medicine to the people there.  Rambo refuses at first; he’s convinced that the missionaries’ goal, while certainly noble, won’t have any sort of lasting impact and that the violence and suffering will continue. 

The missionaries are all but prepared to give up, except for one: a good-hearted, persistent young woman named Sarah Miller (played by Julie Benz) who manages to convince Rambo to allow the group to continue their mission.

Ten days later, Rambo is contacted by the group’s pastor.  The missionaries have been kidnapped by the Burmese army and a group of mercenaries have been hired to conduct a rescue mission.  Rambo agrees to guide the mercenaries up the river and in the end helps to save the captured missionaries.

-

As one might expect, there’s not a lot of dialogue in Rambo, and what little dialogue there is serves mainly as exposition.  The problem though is not the lack of dialogue, or even the delivery (there are no standout performances here; the actors all do a decent job with the material), rather, with so few lines of spoken dialogue, the handful of truly awful lines simply stand out even more.

In the trailer, Rambo utters the cringeworthy line, “Live for nothing.  Or die for something,” which might have seemed somewhat clever on paper (Sylvester Stallone wrote the script with Art Monterastelli) but doesn’t work in the context of the film either.

There’s a villain.  If he has a name, I don’t know what it is.  Like Rambo, he doesn’t have a whole to say.  He wears sunglasses and smokes cigarettes and enjoys watching as captured villagers are forced at gunpoint to run relays through mine-laden rice paddies.  Not a very nice guy, is he?

At the same time, he’s not exactly on the short list of candidates for the AFI’s Top 100 Villains either.  Hans Gruber he ain’t.  There’s nothing truly memorable about this baddie.  He performs his function in the script, that of main villain, and that’s about it.  When Rambo does finally off him, (Spoiler?  What spoiler?  Haven’t you ever watched an action film before?) you don’t really feel any sort of satisfaction at the character’s demise.

The plot, summarized above, is really that simple.  Nothing else really happens.  There are no clever twists, no surprises (not that you’d expect any), but most egregiously, no real complications to speak of; nothing happens to heighten the tension or add any sort of drama.  There’s no suspense here.

Watching the climactic boxing match in Rocky Balboa, now that’s suspensful.  I was genuinely worried that Rocky was gonna bite the big one finally.

The way it’s shot, the blows are just punishing. It’s almost hard to watch. You realize just how old Rocky is, and you wonder how much more punishment the guy can take before he keels over.  By the time Rocky enters that ring, you are emotionally invested.  You care about the outcome of the match, you want Rocky to go the distance with his opponent, and you want him to make it to that final bell.

On the other hand, you’re never really worried about John Rambo.  For starters, the character’s not nearly as likeable as Rocky.  I really couldn’t care less if he died while trying to rescue the captured missionaries.  The same goes for Sarah, the captive missionary.   Honestly, John, is rescuing her really worth all this trouble?

Other action heroes at least have witty comebacks and clever lines that entertain you and endear them to you.  Rambo’s a mirthless killing machine here, and while that may be the point, it doesn’t exactly make for riveting, edge-of-your-seat entertainment either.

Besides that, the guy’s invincible really.  Partly, it’s conditioning from watching way too many action flicks growing up, but I was never once worried about Rambo or felt that he was out of his league.  The obstacles he has to overcome just don’t seem that daunting really.  Somewhere along the line, you need to up the stakes a bit.  While I’m not a big fan of last summer’s Live Free Or Die Hard, at least Bruce Willis found himself pitted against a worthy adversary (although again, no Hans Gruber). 

Aside from the incredibly graphic detail of the violence, the action itself is unoriginal and uninspired - we’ve seen it all before, only with less blood.  There’s nothing new here. 

(The movie is ultra violent. Limbs are blown off, heads are chopped off, and the bullets fly. Honestly, I’m surprised the movie got an R rating.) 

The movie’s runtime is pretty short: one hour and 33 minutes, and that’s including the credits.  The whole thing feels sort of like the pilot episode for a brand new Rambo And The Mercenaries series for the USA network.   Now, Sylvester Stallone has said in interviews that Rambo was not written to be the final film in the franchise, and that if the movie’s performance at the box office warranted it, he wouldn’t mind revisiting the character of John Rambo at a later date.  Still, after twenty years, I’d think fans of the series would be expecting a bit more than just another by-the-numbers episode in the action-hero life of John Rambo. 

-

If you were to pit the two movies against each other, Rocky Balboa would come out on top, no question.  Rocky Balboa is a better film and a worthy sequel.  Rambo, unfortunately, is not.

It’s about as bad as the first one, possibly worse.  Either way, I’d avoid the movie altogether.

Now I’m a big fan of the first two Alien films, also Predator.  I’ve watched all the sequels, and while some of them were entertaining (Predator 2 and Alien: Resurrection were bad but in a fun sort of way), none of them were particularly good.

Then Alien Vs. Predator came along, and it was terrible.  Consequently, I gave up hope of ever seeing a really cool Alien/Predator crossover movie in my lifetime.  

A few months ago, the ”red band” trailer for AVP:R first showed up online (see my earlier post here), and after watching it several times, I was cautiously optimistic – an R-rated Aliens Vs. Predator might be fun.

I was wrong.

-

The sequel picks up precisely where the previous film left off, with the birth of an Alien/Predator hybrid, or “Predalien,” if you will, onboard the Predator spacecraft still in Earth orbit.

Even if you haven’t seen the movie, you know what happens next.

The “Predalien” survives the crash, as do a number of Alien Facehuggers (baby Aliens essentially); they begin to make their way to Gunnison, Colorado, where sadly, the majority of the film takes place.

The wussy Predators from the first AVP are not so lucky.

A distress beacon emanating from the downed Predator spacecraft is picked up on the Predator homeworld.  Thank goodness one of the Predators is paying attention, otherwise there might not have been any Predators in the film.  The Predator packs its things (helmet, whip, Predator shuriken) and heads to Earth to clean up the mess left behind by the not-so-Predators of the first film.

Stuff happens.  Mostly the Predator succeeds.

Oh, and besides the Predator, the Aliens, and the Predator/Alien hybrid, or “Predalien,” there are a handful of humans running around, but their role in the film is largely insignificant and not really worth discussing.

-

As suspected, the “Requiem” in the title has absolutely nothing to do with the film’s story but does sound pretty cool until you realize it has absolutely nothing to do with the film’s story.  Oddly enough, the first part of the title is spot on - there are quite a few Aliens and only one very busy Predator.

Gone are the bulky Predators-on-steroids from the first Alien Vs. Predator.  Instead, the trio of fairly ineffectual Predator wannabes from the first film have been replaced by a creature worthy of the name, a lithe, loping hunter that actually seems to know what its doing. 

The creatures look the way they’re supposed to, when you can see them, and the use of practical, non-CGI effects for the title characters is a welcome change. 

The R-rated gore is competently done, and all-in-all chestburstingly satisfying.  The movie certainly doesn’t pull any punches in terms of body count and establishes very early on that it doesn’t matter who you are, pretty much any character with any amount of screen time is fair game when it comes to kills. 

The fight scenes, which ought to be the highlight of any film with “vs.” in the title, are poorly lit and difficult to follow.

The movie isn’t the slightest bit scary, nor is it remotely interesting, exciting, funny, or cool.  It’s rather dull, in fact.  The novelty of seeing Aliens and Predators onscreen duking it out has worn off, and this time, the action takes place in the most uninteresting location imaginable – smalltown America.  

After watching the movie I found myself wishing it had been a whole heck of a lot worse.  Movies like Mortal Kombat: Annihilation and Bulletproof Monk are cinematic trainwrecks, so incredibly bad, they’re fascinating in a way.  AVP:R is just plain boring.

The acting quality is more or less exactly what you expect to see in a movie like this.  The dialogue’s mostly expository (well, except for the swearing), and the story’s barely worth mentioning. 

The audience has no reason whatsoever to care about the fate of Pizza Delivery Boy, or The Sheriff, or Mom Who Just Got Back From Iraq. 

-

If you’re a diehard fan of either series, you probably already saw the movie opening day, and are now, like me, no longer a diehard fan of either series.  

If you have a life-size Predator costume in a display case somewhere in your home, AVP:R might be worth a rental, if only to check out the fun new toys at the Predator’s disposal.