Finally got around to seeing Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem, the sequel to 2004′s Alien Vs. Predator.
It’s about as bad as the first one, possibly worse. Either way, I’d avoid the movie altogether.
Now I’m a big fan of the first two Alien films, also Predator. I’ve watched all the sequels, and while some of them were entertaining (Predator 2 and Alien: Resurrection were bad but in a fun sort of way), none of them were particularly good.
Then Alien Vs. Predator came along, and it was terrible. Consequently, I gave up hope of ever seeing a really cool Alien/Predator crossover movie in my lifetime.
A few months ago, the ”red band” trailer for AVP:R first showed up online (see my earlier post here), and after watching it several times, I was cautiously optimistic – an R-rated Aliens Vs. Predator might be fun.
I was wrong.
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The sequel picks up precisely where the previous film left off, with the birth of an Alien/Predator hybrid, or “Predalien,” if you will, onboard the Predator spacecraft still in Earth orbit.
Even if you haven’t seen the movie, you know what happens next.
The “Predalien” survives the crash, as do a number of Alien Facehuggers (baby Aliens essentially); they begin to make their way to Gunnison, Colorado, where sadly, the majority of the film takes place.
The wussy Predators from the first AVP are not so lucky.
A distress beacon emanating from the downed Predator spacecraft is picked up on the Predator homeworld. Thank goodness one of the Predators is paying attention, otherwise there might not have been any Predators in the film. The Predator packs its things (helmet, whip, Predator shuriken) and heads to Earth to clean up the mess left behind by the not-so-Predators of the first film.
Stuff happens. Mostly the Predator succeeds.
Oh, and besides the Predator, the Aliens, and the Predator/Alien hybrid, or “Predalien,” there are a handful of humans running around, but their role in the film is largely insignificant and not really worth discussing.
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As suspected, the “Requiem” in the title has absolutely nothing to do with the film’s story but does sound pretty cool until you realize it has absolutely nothing to do with the film’s story. Oddly enough, the first part of the title is spot on - there are quite a few Aliens and only one very busy Predator.
Gone are the bulky Predators-on-steroids from the first Alien Vs. Predator. Instead, the trio of fairly ineffectual Predator wannabes from the first film have been replaced by a creature worthy of the name, a lithe, loping hunter that actually seems to know what its doing.
The creatures look the way they’re supposed to, when you can see them, and the use of practical, non-CGI effects for the title characters is a welcome change.
The R-rated gore is competently done, and all-in-all chestburstingly satisfying. The movie certainly doesn’t pull any punches in terms of body count and establishes very early on that it doesn’t matter who you are, pretty much any character with any amount of screen time is fair game when it comes to kills.
The fight scenes, which ought to be the highlight of any film with “vs.” in the title, are poorly lit and difficult to follow.
The movie isn’t the slightest bit scary, nor is it remotely interesting, exciting, funny, or cool. It’s rather dull, in fact. The novelty of seeing Aliens and Predators onscreen duking it out has worn off, and this time, the action takes place in the most uninteresting location imaginable – smalltown America.
After watching the movie I found myself wishing it had been a whole heck of a lot worse. Movies like Mortal Kombat: Annihilation and Bulletproof Monk are cinematic trainwrecks, so incredibly bad, they’re fascinating in a way. AVP:R is just plain boring.
The acting quality is more or less exactly what you expect to see in a movie like this. The dialogue’s mostly expository (well, except for the swearing), and the story’s barely worth mentioning.
The audience has no reason whatsoever to care about the fate of Pizza Delivery Boy, or The Sheriff, or Mom Who Just Got Back From Iraq.
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If you’re a diehard fan of either series, you probably already saw the movie opening day, and are now, like me, no longer a diehard fan of either series.
If you have a life-size Predator costume in a display case somewhere in your home, AVP:R might be worth a rental, if only to check out the fun new toys at the Predator’s disposal.
Tags: Aliens Vs. Predator, Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem, Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem Review, AVP, AVPR, Predalien
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glad you saw it without me. saved me a lot of time and money.
Oops. Forgot about that.
Andy had free movie passes, and AVP:R was the only popcorn flick that he and I could both agree on. Sadly, after we got there we learned the theater wasn’t accepting passes just yet, so we ended up paying full price.
Sigh.
This, after vowing not to see the movie for anything more than matinee price.
(Reminds me, I was supposed to watch this movie with Shaun too. Sorry, Shaun.)